Exhausted

This past few weeks have been horrable for me. I have cancelled doctor appointments all week because I have no transportation, I have been stressed out about cleaning houses and what certain other people think, and now I finally get one kid to a VERY important appointment and they end up having to call 911 because I passed out complety ruining the appointment. I went to the hospital, they said I have low blood pressure, I'm dehydrated, low patassium levels, my anxiety and stress are very high (I had two anxiety attacks while I was there). Over the weekend mom and Tom took care of me while Tony wasnt home which was a HUGE help. I have convinced myself of stupid stuff though. For example even though he has never asked me I have convinced myself I have to greet Tony at the door when he gets off work with a cold moutain dew and the TV remote, and dinner MUST be done. The eating order at my house is kids, Tony, then me. Thats if I was even smart enough to make food for myself. If I didnt then I dont get to eat because if I have anything different than the boys they whine and cry until I give them what I have (even if they are full) so I just end up not eating anyway. They weighed me at the doctors today and I've lost two pounds. I am very overwhelmed about everything and crap I have told my stuff I have to do. I'm very near my ending point but its ok. Right? Oh baby is fine too. Moving lots. Thinking about taking down the carebears theme in the girls room though because someone else likes carebears and i'm just a copy cat. I dont have anything to change it to yet though but I could figure something out. Mom is stopping me from painting the house right now. We think I may be too horemonal right now to do it. Concidering the reason I want to is because I feel like a hotel. I'm not even proud of myself for the house anymore. I dont feel I have achieved anything. Sorry everyone for the depressing stuff ya'll but when you feel like I do you can't find anything good to report. I'm sorry.